Straight Shooter

[Chaosengine]

The last post I left here was a bit abrupt and terribly over-dramatised. The reason? Well, I'll come clean with everone. The veteran I mentioned was my uncle and he recognized the start of a very familiar problem. He's a former alcoholic.

I have a drinking problem (apparently) and he didn't want to see his favorite nephew start down that path. He got me in touch with a counselor through the health department. His name is Steve and I've had sessions with him everyday this week.

Goin' without a drink has been ROUGH, let me tell you. Seems I have a inferiority complex that sets off a vicious cycle (Steve sez). It extended to all facets of my life, including here.

This is important, so I won't mince words. There were times I posted here drunk (or well on the way) and I may have said some mean, hurtful or inappropriate things to people. If I hurt anyones feelings, I am terribly sorry and want you to know I take full blame for that.

There was one person in particular I owe an apology to and thats Ashton. When I first came here, there were times I was downright mean to Ashton and for no apparent reason. Well, there was a reason and as stupid as it sounds... it was jealosy. Our violinist is at the top of everyones good list. Everybody loves him. Even Vanessa seems to have a special place for him. I always wanted to be 'that guy'. The guy everybody adores and respects.

I've mentioned it before, but I was a forum hopper. Jumping from one place to another trying to be 'that guy' and failing. Each faliure brought on more anger, which meant booze, which led to guilt... and more booze.

This sounds so emo I even feel like punchin' myself, but Ashton... I'm SO sorry for being a dick. It was uncalled for and I hope you can forgive me.

This will be the first and LAST time I mention this. People don't frequent this place to hear some tanked-up loser whine about his issues, so I'll leave it out. Since so many people responded to my abrupt freak out, I felt it was important to set things straight.

It was only four days (or so) but I really missed this place...

Thank you for your time.

*Hugz*

Chaos.
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[Cassandre]

Does this mean you won't be insane anymore?

I'll miss that...

DON'T BE SANE OR NORMAL!!!


And you've never actually said anything mean or rude to me, except that you didn't watn to play the fiddle on my boob. *hugs back*
don't worry buddy, we're here for ya.
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[insert witty comment]

[Evan_Himmel]

Dont worry Chaos, i understand the fealing. Also i do wish you good luck on your efforts.

[Lidia_Apricot]

Awww, Chaos.

I'm not a drinker, I'm still too young to be drinking, but some of us do have those moments like you had. :3

I almost the same as you. A little jealous of some certain person here because their are smart, cunning, loved and respected more.

But, hey! *shrugs* What can I do? :3 I just keep it to myself because I want to continue being friend with that person or some here. ^w^

So, just to let you know, you didn't say anything mean about me. So, we're cool.

*hugs Chaos*

I hope you will have all the help you need, so you can feel much better; then come back and play with us. :3

Take care, OK? :3

[henkcobra]

I hope that you will find the way and that the love of your family will help you.
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[Chaosengine]

[Jerin Nekros]

yeah we're definitely here for you . I've had issues with ALcoholism in my family too, so its something i have to be very careful to watch too.
_________________
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"Revenge is a dish that is best served cold. It is very cold in space." - Khan (Ricardo Montalban) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

[henkcobra]

why do you want to drink alcohol? I drink only 5 glasses at one time.

Looks like you have a problem. Try to fight that problem with training and talking.

I had also recent problems, I talked it out and now I train/ pump my muscels up to fight it.
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My FA; http://www.furaffinity.net/user/henkcobra/

[Symphony]

I think it's pretty common to feel inferior at times, whether it's here or in real life. I too sometimes feel inferior here, where I may feel that I'm not particularly interesting or that I'm being ignored. The solution to me is to take part in threads, and to create topics that will hopefully interest people. I think that being friendly and sociable is a good thing to do. It'll make people notice you and appreciate your presence.

and I don't think I recall you ever being mean to others. There have been a couple of times where you have seemed in an unhappy mood though, and times where it has seemed odd to me that you chose to delete some of your posts. That did seem like you regretted posting something, though I really saw nothing wrong with what you had said.

Anyway, I hope that things will get better for you. I don't think there's anything wrong in sharing this. While I may prefer to read and post about positive topics, I think it's better to be open about it if something is bothering you, rather than keeping it to yourself and letting it get worse.
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[Tadelesh]

Well, it's good that you feel you can share that with us. I know how you feel with the jealousy issue - it can be hard to control sometimes. Hope you'll be able to stay off the alcohol.
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Wow, sarcasm! That's original.

[Marx-Paragon]

well, after reading what you, lidia and tadelesh have siad, its good to know that im not the only one who has jealousy issues, both on this forum and elsewhere.

*pats on shoulder*
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marx's four step guide to being popular in the fandom

1 draw boobs
2 make comics
3 cuase drama
4 repeat

[Aaron_Thom]

Don't worry about it. I'm glad you're doing well and glad you're back.
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[xivk]

Know I havent known ya for as long to see any of those bad drunken sides you speak of cept for the good sides so glad to have ya back. ^_^
_________________
Fursona Info.

I am the ghost of games... What i am, all i will be
-Xivk

[Ashton Gray]

Welcome back, Chaos. I'm glad to see you're still around and sorting things out. Imagine my surprise to learn you'd singled me out. I must say, if anything and with complete honesty, I was flattered. I hope it pleases you to learn I never felt outright offended by you, though, yes, there were a few times you could be a little much. I don't think anyone has ever been jealous of me, though. At least, not that I know of. It feels somewhat weird, actually. But regardless, I can't forgive you because there's nothing to forgive. I simply don't see how I'm supposed to forgive you if I don't blame or hold anything against you. So no worries, Chaos. Sort yourself out and get back to being the crazy but loveable rat we know and love. Besides, I think Dr. Fuchs' experiments are backing up since her lab rat left. So good luck and godspeed.
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Silentium est aurum

[Chaosengine]

[Tursi]

Chaos, good on you, man. You're doing the right thing, and I'm glad that your uncle stepped in, and that you've accepted his advice and are trying to fix things while it's still early. Alcoholism is something I try to watch in my life, too, since it's been in my family.
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http://harmlesslion.com

[Chaosengine]

*shakes the gents hands and hugs the ladies*

You have no idea how sceered I was at how people were gonna react...
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[ShadowFox13]

Welcome back Chaos. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better and returned to us.

[JohnnyPsycho]

Geez, the things I miss out on when I skip a couple days of forum updates...

Welcome back, Chaos, and good luck on your counselling and all that. I'm just glad you came back, buddy...
_________________
Johnny's Fanfics (including Sureshot! A Bon Bon Tale)

Johnny's backstory
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[Chaosengine]

Thank you , Johnny!

*hearty handshake*
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[goddess-ofthe-night]

it's already very brave to admit what you just did, so kudos for you :3
i've been lucky to never had that problem, and yes as the pet of bonbon I feel jalous whenever someone gets stroked more often then i do t-----t

(j/k)

*hugs* stay strong :3
_________________
Dreams come True if you B E L I E V E in me...
- the G O D D E S S

[Chaosengine]

*pets the lil' goddess*

Yer a sweetheart, luv.
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[goddess-ofthe-night]

[kommy]

Coming from a family riddled with various substance abuse problems myself, I know how nasty that kind of thing can be. A strong family history of addiction has persuaded me to stay a long, long way from all those things.

Dealing with it can look so very easy, but be so very hard. Just stick with it, be patient with both it and yourself, and endeavor to be stronger than than addictions.
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"Doktor! Are you sure this will work?!" "HAHA! I HAVE NO IDEA!"

[Chaosengine]

[Mystic]

At least I have my personal "bust fiddler" back. *Gives Chaos a squeeze and sets his miniature version up on her shoulder.*

As for the rest and everyone, no one character here is more important than the rest. Everyone has a part, everyone gets to participate to an extent, and everyone is loved here. We all have had our moments of envy when its someone else in the glorious spotlight, and we all have had our moments of self doubt and feelings of inferiority when we try to post something great or comment with just the right timing and it goes unnoticed.

Do keep your spirits up, and remember that Vanessa gives everyone a chance. *Smiles and has her arms open and ready for what she believes to be a flurry of hugs coming her way.*
_________________
Oh, I'd tell myself
What good do you do
Convince myself

[Lidia_Apricot]

Wise words, Ms. Mystic. :3

*skip her way to Mystic's arm and embrace her.*

-^w^-

[Chaosengine]

*Lil' Chaos returns to Mystic's cleavage*

Aaaaahhh, paradise...

*lil' hearts floatin' from between the mountains*
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."

[Mystic]

[Chaosengine]

So now I'm into the second week of recovery and things are getting weird.

My friends and family are treating me differently.

My friends still drink, as well as other things, and some of them have this idea of my new "sobriety" is just to be better than them...

How many ways do I have to explain myself?

My parents took it the way I expected.

They blamed themselves. Mom is especially bad.

"I'm a bad mother" she sez. I use to drink to avoid facing stuff like this, now I'm causing it...

They never mention this shit in 12 Steps.
_________________
"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free...
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she..."