I need help with a personal issue

[ShadowFox13]

I've been going damn near insane with all of the stress that comes with waking up and taking a look at what is actually happening with my life. But I don't want to burden or bore you all of that chaos.

No there is one question that I truly need help with and has been keeping me awake: Should I reenlist for another term?

I seriously have no idea what to do. I mean yeah I still have 2 more years remaining in my current contract but they want my answer before the end of this summer. I've been weighing the pros and cons since my last deployment and the decesion hasn't been getting any easier as time passes. Please help me.
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[henkcobra]

First a couple of questions from me.

If you reenlist how long do you have to serve again until you must refresh your contract?

Can you have job in the civilian life?

What are the cons and pros which you have so far?

Did you find other persons who had the same problem like you? They could help your better then me.
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[henkcobra]

tell me then what do you want to accomplish more in your life.

tell me what you have done so far.

I know that I have some more wishes that I want to for fill before I die.

Like children, make love to a woman and a man, make my own car/ plane/ space ship.

the things that you want to do don't have to be big like become a rice man, famous. Just small but with a challenge that you can accomplish but havent' done before.
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[ShadowFox13]

Well it can be anywhere from 2-8 years and I have no control over which it is. (my current contract is a 6 year)

Right now not really, I had no real jobs before signing up because I was still in High School and that leads into my other problem that a high school diploma is all I have.

Cons:
-The Army is killing me; my physical and mental health has rapidly declined since joining. People that have known me for years notice that each time I come home I'm only a shell of what I once was. My knee needs surgery and my shoulder is messed up as well as my hip and back. I have a constant (damn near paranoia) fear of death.
-Being away from the ones I love is also tearing me apart. Cali is trying to balance 2 jobs, a Masters degree (duel major, biology and chemistry), her home life is stressful as hell with her family, and she can't stop worrying about me. And I'm helpless and powerless. I can't do anything for her except tell her that everything will work out eventually. I can't even look her in the eyes when I say it, because I have to do it over the phone.
-The changes that our govt. is trying to make are making our lives (military) even harder by giving us less and expecting more.
-The hypocrisy in the chain of command and the "do as I say and not as I do" in our NCOs is getting out of hand and it's going to get me into trouble because I've just about had enough of it.
-I don't make enough money to live on (I actually made more money working at the ice rink in high school and that was min wage)
-There are more but I just can't remember them right now.

Pros:
-With all of my new medical problems in the military I have full coverage on medical
-I plan on getting married to Cali once she graduates and the Army would supply us govt housing (one room apt) with no rent or utility bills. And that would be amazingly helpful while we struggle to repay her school loans and get her a job.
-it's a guaranteed monthly paycheck
-I have a chance to move up the chain and things get better
-14 more years and I can get full retirement (at the age of 38.)
-I also have more here but my brain isn't helping

Sorry I don't know if this is helpful at all.
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[henkcobra]

you are living in the US right?

Well first thing all I say. MARRY HER!!! And don't do if fancy or other things that cost money Just the basics.

Second you must have knee fixed, right now then tomorrow. Yoru sholder must be healed back to 100 % also your back and hip. And don't give int to that "I'm a soldier and I can take it and more" CRAP. Because that will make it only worse and will increase the problems only. And only get a second opinion from a doctor who has no relation with the military.

For your fear of death feelings I can only say that you need professional help. I had it 2 years back also and now I'm almost back to a 'normal' life.

Let your feelings GO. Throw them out! SCream, run, hit punching bag, trow rocks in the woods around. Just let it go. Talk with someone who can help you.

For more money in the Army. Try to get boring/ not dangerous jobs/tasks. And send the money to your girls account, or the account that you use to pay the bills. And make it so much that she can stop with one of her jobs.

Make a list of the bills you have to pay each month. Find out what takes so much money and see if you can reduce it. Try and buy cheaper stuff and look around for actions like '2 for the price of 1'.

Surprise her from time to time. Do things with her that she likes to do. Let her feel that she is a Queen and that she is everything to you.

you don't have to do these things I just wrote but look at it and maybe they can help you.

look forward to your reply.
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[Aaron_Thom]

I have to agree with Henk on all points. Also, make sure you have every single injury that you have in your records and keep copies. No matter if you stay in or get out, once you're out, the more info you send into the VA the faster they can work your claim. It took them 6 months to get my claim worked. So as soon as you get out, in 2 years or 14 years, go to the VA and start working your claim. Trust me, even though I'm just a file clerk with the VA regional office here in Winston-Salem, I hear it all the time from the VSR's.
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[Rune174]

Yes, I did'nt keep my records from my injury on my leg, now I have to fight the system just to prove I have even gotten the injury during my service. I know that it looks really dark right now, but like you said, it is better to get through the hardships and reap the benefits later.
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[Katmir]

If you survive mentally and physically to enjoy retirement, awesomesauce. Otherwise, count your blessings, search for work in the Federal sector (they hire Veterans like us first), and live happily ever after. My vote stands. And thank you for taking those hits for us. Peace, brother.
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[ShadowFox13]

[ShadowFox13]

[ShadowFox13]

[ShadowFox13]

I want to thank each of you. You've all been very helpful and I wish there was some way for me to repay you. So if there is ever anything you need please feel free to ask.
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[Rune174]

All you can do to thank us (More to the others than myself) is to just apply what we said to what you feel is best for your life and those you care about.
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[Caroline]

((So, what did you decide? Sorry about being late to the party.

Something else to consider as well. You can take a break from the military, if it really is burning you out, and then come back at a later time. However, doing it this way gives you a break in service, which means you'd lose those years.

Being as that I'm an officer in the Reserves, I'll come at this from a different perspective. Anyway, some other things to consider:

1) Switching units. If your chain of command and the command climate is as poor as you say it is, you might do better in a different unit. This may require you to go and get a 2nd MOS in order to do so, but the conditions / leadership culture may better match your personal ways of getting motivated. If nothing else, getting a second MOS does make you more marketable to the military, and opens up additional Line and Paragraph numbers that you can qualify for. Getting a 2nd MOS also may give you the option of moving up the NCO/ officer chain quicker as well.

As an aside with this, don't forget that most command / NCO positions are tours as well. So... iffn you can struggle it out, sometimes you can just wait out the leadership, till it changes on its own as the tour is over.

2) Switching to the Reserves / Guard. You'd get paid less, but you'd still get a lot of the background benefits (Tricare, retirement, college, DEERS stuff). This would allow you to keep earning retirement points / years for the 20-year mark, but open up the option of following a civilian career too.

I'm a Reserve-ist. It's more time than the old "One weekend a month" ad campaign. It has it's own sets of headaches, including such problems as lack of resources, poor leadership climates, entrenched bureaucracy, cronyism, and sycophantism; however, as a second job, it does give me money that I can use as I want to use it. And there are still things I enjoy about it.

3) I don't know if you mentioned this or not, but use the TSP. TSP, while not the best of 401k style ideas, is a solid way to help save for you and your family's future. Plus, if there is an emergency, there are clauses in the TSP allowing you to access the money before retirement. And the TSP follows you. If you get 19 years in the military and quit, you get nothing. If you paid into the TSP for 19 years and then quit, you can take that with you. Money makes money. The longer you use your TSP, the longer it'll be able to work for you.

4) If you do decide to exit the military USE YOUR FREAKING EDUCATION BENEFITS. Let me type that again. USE YOUR FREAKING EDUCATION BENEFITS. Capiche? One of the reasons the DoD gives very generous education benefits is that over 80% of them are never used by the people who have the option / opportunity to use them. The paperwork to apply and get them started is a chore, but do it. The government, as a whole, is very good about taking money from you… but not very good about letting you know about stuff you're entitled too or reminding you that you are entitled to some benefits.

Anyway, not sure if those will help or not, and I apologize about joining the party late. Hope they do give you something else to mull over. ))

[henkcobra]

hey man how are you holding up for now?
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[ShadowFox13]

Hello everyone I'm finally back. I'm sorry for the extended absence but the army got wise to me and blocked the site again so I had to track down a better way onto the site and finally found it using "Tor browser"

Thanks to you all I've been able to put everything into a better perspective and it has been very helpful. It's a lot clearer for me. I still don't know about reenlisting but that decision is now going to become easier to make when the time finally comes.

Caroline:
I won't be able to do a break in service because of the draw down and personally I wouldn't be able to do it. Right now I get only one month a year (in total of course) to be a civilian and the rest of the time I'm stuck playing war games and if I took an extended break as a civilian I just wouldn't mentally be able to play the enlisted soldier role.

I have also just recently thought about trying to do the Army's "Green to Gold" program and becoming a warrant officer so I may ask for your advice about the officer world if I qualify for it.

1) I truly wish I could but the active world condemns that kind of movement. I get orders sending me to a unit and I'm stuck there until my next set of PCS orders. And I can't get a secondary MOS until my active contract expires then I can reenlist for another contract and at that time change my MOS. (Yeah Active duty kind of sucks sometimes)
I'm going to have to stick it out because 1) I really don't have any other choice right now but 2) they're stuck just as I am and can't go anywhere until they PCS/ETS disappointingly most of them get extensions.

2) That thought has been very strong especially since I've been working closely with guard units this deployment.
That sounds like the Active world as well.

3) I actually know nothing about this TSP, I'm going to look into that. Thank you for bringing that up.

4)Oh I will trust me there is no doubt about that one. If I don't I know quite a few people that will kill me on sight. The hard part is trying to figure out which GI Bill will be most beneficial for me but I don't have to necessarily worry about that one at the current moment.

It's ok that you're a little late. Better late than never, right? Yes it was helpful.

Henk:
I'm actually holding up very well. Thank you very much for asking. It means more than I can ever express to have all of you here on the forum that are willing to help me up when I'm down.
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[henkcobra]

Good to hear this all.

I'm hoping that you let you hart speak from time to time to your love ones. Don't think and try to be a man who doesn't show his feelings, please.

I have a few cousins also marines and they cried when a ant of us die of cancer.

I hope that you will qualify for the "Green to Gold" program and become a hell of a warrent officer.

Give your girlfriend a kiss for one from all of us, what will you bring a say 15.478 kisses.
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[ShadowFox13]

I'm sorry that I've been away for so long but things have been beyond crazy for me. And I want to thank you all again for your help but it looks like the decision has been made for me, I'm getting discharged. it truly is bittersweet.
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[henkcobra]

[ShadowFox13]

That's ok Henk neither do I.
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