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furrynerd
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Silvador
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 Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:00 pm Post subject: |
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Good, getting better. Description is half the story. And you seem to have a grasp on the idea. Your grammar could use a lot of work, but one step at a time. You should try to regularly practise describing things, from simple objects to whole scenes. Write them down, or even describe them in your head, as long as you are actually forming the words and describing what you see.
Apparently some people think you are hopeless. But the only thing that is hopeless is learning and improving overnight. For some people, this skill of writing comes naturally. For others, it can take years of learning and practise. Also, reading can help. Do you read any books? They can be just as good as a lesson, because then you can see how things are done and written.
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furrynerd
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Hoshiginiro
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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well i noticed that you switched from first person view to third person view and when he asked "who are you two" you forgot the ? at the end to make it a question
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Hoshiginiro wrote: | | well i noticed that you switched from first person view to third person view and when he asked "who are you two" you forgot the ? at the end to make it a question |
Stop picking at his grammar, Hoshi, you're no better sometimes.
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furrynerd
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Hoshiginiro
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Silvador wrote: | | Hoshiginiro wrote: | | well i noticed that you switched from first person view to third person view and when he asked "who are you two" you forgot the ? at the end to make it a question |
Stop picking at his grammar, Hoshi, you're no better sometimes. |
where the FUCK did i pick on his grammar!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU SILV!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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furrynerd
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furrynerd
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Hoshiginiro
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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no its because as good as i am her better and he has to be an ass at least once a day and it was my FUCKING TURN and now oyu know why i dont wanna fucking help you Im NOT FUCKING HELPING ANY MORE BECAUSE THATS THE THANKS I FUCKING GET FOR DOING SO FUCK THIS SHIT!!
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furrynerd
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Hoshiginiro wrote: | | no its because as good as i am her better and he has to be an ass at least once a day and it was my FUCKING TURN and now oyu know why i dont wanna fucking help you Im NOT FUCKING HELPING ANY MORE BECAUSE THATS THE THANKS I FUCKING GET FOR DOING SO FUCK THIS SHIT!! |
Oh, get over it.
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furrynerd
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furrynerd
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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Goodluck getting help from someone else, then, furry. Considering over half this board, including Hoshi, thinks you're hopeless and deliberately not trying.
-leaves thread-
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furrynerd
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Hoshiginiro
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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i admit i got very frustrated and didnt want to help any more cause i wasn't seeing any improvement but as annoying as it can be for me didn't mean i was insulting him to his face
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furrynerd
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furrynerd
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Hoshiginiro
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:02 pm Post subject: |
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well when you describe approaching a place and entering you seem to lack so let try your approach of some one house you have never met them but you were invited
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furrynerd
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | | yeah but i just stand up for certain people. well i feel like i should apologize to silvador. |
just leave it ....its my fault i should have just let it ride
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Pachs
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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OK Furry I think I can help you...You said you read Stephen King Books...So do I. So here is something you could try to test if your getting better...Take your time with posting for this.
You are walking through a dark forest late at night. The moon is bright and the sky is clear; and you see what looks like a small fire about a 100 yards away. The forest is almost deathly silent and all you can hear is the sound of the wind blowing through the trees and the rustle of the leaves.
"So just describe what you would do next...take your time, describe what you do with enough detail to get the point across; because there is such a thing as over description"
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"Bleach is healthy... It's mostly water; and we're mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach."
-Nathan Explosion-
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furrynerd
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Hoshiginiro
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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| furrynerd wrote: | walking up a road to a new house he was invited. "i wonder who the new furs are that live here" ? he knocks on the door 3 times. and stands wainting for the people to come to the door.
so how is this so i wait for you to post to it. |
how about this imagine this in your mind what do you see a path maybe some trees what does the house look like on the outside is it brand new or very old and rickety try to describe every little detail your mind can come up with , the door does it have a knocker on it or is it plain if it has a knocker on it what does that knocker look like
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Pachs
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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That's a good start....But you need to try and match the mood of the scene...You did that a little with the feeling of being cold and wondering why the forest was so odd. But that's just a start..
Don't say you where just "Walking around" say something like "As Andrew wondered through he forest" something like that flows better with the description it puts people there with you.
-OK 2nd Part-
The wind picked up as he stood there and the sound of person sining softly to themselves.
"You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine. "
The sound of it fades away as the wind dies down and its replaced by the closer sound of a owl hooting in a nearby tree. In the light of the moon you can see him perched on a tree limb and he is looking at you.
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"Shake the hand that shook the world"
-Randall Flagg-
"Bleach is healthy... It's mostly water; and we're mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach."
-Nathan Explosion-
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furrynerd
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Pachs
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| Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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1st Don't take steps that the author would not have done..simply describe what you are doing...Do not take liberty's with what you would see...
-Back up to when he entered the clearing-
He sees the fire glowing warmly and there is a woman siting down on a sleeping bag next to the fire. She is softly singing as she looks into the fire. She did not yet seem to notice Andrew yet as she picks up a stick and pokes at the fire sending spark into the air and making the fire glow brighter. In this new brighter light she sees him and lets out a gasp of surprise.
Woman: Who are you?
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Don't worry about how I do speech...its just how I do it and everyone has there own style for it..
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"Shake the hand that shook the world"
-Randall Flagg-
"Bleach is healthy... It's mostly water; and we're mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach."
-Nathan Explosion-
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Pachs Gajah |
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