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Silvador
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 Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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(um... you realise that he's still sitting on the couch... on the other side of the room, right?)
When Eliza seemed to have finished, the panther stood and walked over to her.
"May I see?" he asked.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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Silvador moved closer so he could see. Looking down at the page, he marvelled at the detail the fox had put into it.
"That's quite good," he said. "You should draw professionally."
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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"You're very good," Silvador said again as he returned to the couch.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 12:38 pm Post subject: |
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(Amane, I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you there, for a moment. I've noticed a couple of things with your posts that I hope this will help you improve. First and foremost, some of your posts are considerably assuming and... frankly... a little rude. Primarily, you are either ignoring, missing or leaving out details. I don't know which it is, but it can be a little annoying and makes things a bit difficult.
For example:
You posted "Her nose became just inches away from his."
I posted just before that "Silvador said again as he returned to the couch."
You see the conflict of details. This is not to only case. Previously, a similar even happened.
You posted "Grabbing the water from his hand, she sipped some down to refresh her dry throat."
Now, I never actually poured that drink. Admittedly, I realise I had forgotten to. But the fact is, I did not pour the drink to begin with.
I do not mean to come across as mean or demanding. I'm only trying to point out a flaw you seem to have in hopes that it will help you work on and improve it. We already have a member on the forum who blatantly ignores what is said and it is starting to turn this once very friendly forum into a less welcoming place. Please try to remember, details are key, whether they are your own or someone else's. We have only words to paint a picture, and without details to describe the scene, we're essentially stumbling about in a dark room.)
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Amane-Chan
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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(It's alright. I'm not angry or upset. I just wanted to bring the matter to your attention so that you were aware of it and could improve on it. So far, you are doing well. You have great potential and I look forward to seeing you around a lot more.)
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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(*scrolls up* Ah. I didn't see it. Sorry. You must have posted it while I was writing my reply. I'll continue in a couple of minutes.)
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Amane-Chan wrote: |
She smiled in his direction for his appreciation of his art. As she set the pencil down, she footed her way to the couch and sat down gently, watching the fire's crimson and gold colors spark upon the logs. |
"May I see what you drew?" Silvador asked.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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"This is very well done. Have you thought of drawing professionally?" the panther asked as he looked at the drawing. The detail was amazing.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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Silvador raised an eyebrow at her for a moment. He didn't make the connection. Giving it no further thought, he gave the picture back.
"I think that you would be quite a successful artist," the panther insisted.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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"I don't see why not. Thank you," Silvador said. He didn't expect he'd buy much, but he saw no reason to not accept her offer. Certainly, spending some more time with her would be pleasant.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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"Makes sense," Silvador looked at the fox. "We all have things we want to take our mind off. And doing something else is often an effective way of achieving that,"
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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"I'm afraid all I have is hard candy or fruit," the panther said as he stood up. Silvador walked over to the bar and paused for a moment as he looked out the door. The rain had eased and was very light now. "But, if you are interested, perhaps I can offer you a little more." The panther turned to his guest.
"If you care to get a little wet again, I'd like to offer you dinner," Silvador said.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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"I was actually thinking more of a home cooked meal, if it's alright with you," the panther said.
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Amane-Chan
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Silvador
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| Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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Silvador walked over to his desk and snuffed out the lamp light, leaving just the glow of the fireplace filling the room. Before leaving, the panther placed the fire guard across the fireplace to prevent embers from escaping the still blazing log.
In the store, he closed the door to the back room after Eliza had exited and put out the few lamps around the store. When they were both ready, the black feline opened the store door and held it open for Eliza. The rain was little more than a light mist now and was rapidly dissipating.
"At least you won't get as wet as you did before," the panther chuckled as he waited for the fox to go outside.
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