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a History lesson

 
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Evan_Himmel
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Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:32 am    Post subject: a History lesson Reply with quote

(This is my attempt at a story and it will be in multiple parts explaining what i "think" happened in Bonbon's past as well as what happens after the Victorian era. but please give your cirtiques and tell me of ways that i can edit it to make it better.)

Chapter: 1

Ditective Himmel was working at his desk in the police HQ of Bonbon. writeing a report of the police action that required the use of submachine guns and a flash beng grenade. He looked at the calander and clock that showed the time of 8:00P.M. on December 20, 2009, as he looked at the two cronographs he sighed deeply knowing that the report is going make him unable to come home to his daughter agean. He was about to return to the document that he was working on, when he heard the national crimes inspector barg in yelling. The old beaver was yelling out some thing in Italian while every one stared at him with a mix of curiosity and fear, But Himmel just stoud up and saluted out of habit. "Is ther a problem Investigator?" the doberman asked as he braught his hand back down. Mr. Hill looked to Himmel as he yelled out his frustrations and anger in Italian at the dog way to fast for him to catch. So Himmel replyed very calmly, "Sir, if you are going to speak so fast and incoherently, please say it in english." the Beaver stoped him self and cleared his throat before begining agean, "What is with this town? earlyer in the morning i tryed to question some would be witneses and they wouldnt say a peep about ther own past, Also durring Five PM when walking by a club, this lady solicted me with the ludist things in a club, and an patrol officer close by didnt even bat an eye lash over it. So what in the heck is with this town?" Himmel noded as he listen and then replyed, "so you are not in the know huh?" The Beaver looked at him oddly, "the know?" The doberman sighed deeply agean as he took a seat for the emty desk close by and handed it to Mr. Hill. "You may want to sit down because it will be a long story, and i will have to start at the begining when the first bit of ground was turned to make this town.

End of Chapter 1.
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Evan_Himmel
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Joined: 04 Mar 2009
Posts: 1548

PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 12:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

chapter 2: the birth of Bonbon.

Im shure you have heard of the Industrial Revolution. How it changed the world. But all of the nations needed resources in order to not be left behind. But of all of the resoruces they needed the most, was coal in order to fuel the nations in meny ways. So in order to make a strong national econemy that can keep up with or even surpass England, in the mid 1800s a man named Simon Blue among other names that i couldnt rember set about the mountans in serch for the power source. But, what they found wasnt what they were looking for, but it was still valuable. Dimonds, one of meny things that people drool over, if only for its rareity and shine. so the group knew that they hit pay dirt, but they also knew that they would need to attract miners to ther opperation as other mineing opperations wher trying to attract miners to thers.
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